Initiation

I'm giving my first blog this title for many reasons.

First, it's my first blog
Seccond, it's about my mid life change of lifestyle
Third, it may be your first introduction to the mind of a normal every day submissive slut.

Yes, I said it, submissive slut. What is an every day submissive slut? Well, to put it frankly, you wouldn't recognize me as a slut if you saw me on the street.

I may live next door to you, I could work with you, I could watch your kids after school. You just don't know. I don't know what you do in your bedroom or how you live your life's creed. I just know mine. Because I love the wrong end of a paddle, doesn't make me any different than someone else.

It may be different to you, it may be weird, but it's who I am, who I've always wanted to be, and who I will be for the rest of my days.

Ok, now that I put that disclaimer out, now the fun stuff.

SEX!!! There's nothing like it in the world. When it's good it's great, and when it's bad, hopefully there's still something you can be satisfied from. Not too many things like it in the world.

So what makes submission so different? Why does society label the lifestyle as deviant?

Think back to the 1950's. Dad ruled the roost. Mom had dinner on the table when he walked through the door at the end of a long work day. Kids were all cleaned up and the house was spotless. Mom's world revolved around making Dad happy. She rarely had to worry about work outside the house, or the pressures of the big bad world. The world was what Daddy creates. It was up to him to earn the bacon, make most decisions and that's what the code was.

Things are not much different in D/s. In some households it is Daddy who still makes the decisions, and the rest of the family looks to him as the role model. With most women working outside the home today, and a majority of marriages falling apart, women have had to be reliant upon themselves for survival. In a D/s house, many of the aspects of the 1950's household still ring true, except that mom may often work outside the home.

I would have loved to be the modern home maker wife. Nothing would have pleased me more than to have a man take care of the yard work, make the decisions, and I submit to his every desire. I was not that lucky. Failed marriage w/ kids left me on the dominant side of the house. I was on my own with kids to support, no help from him. I did it, and did it well I think. Kids are thriving. However, something was missing.

I can remember the age old argument about initiating sex in the bedroom. I never was good at initiating, unless I had a few drinks in me. I can remember telling him that it was hard for me to do it. Instead, I'd give the cues, slink up next to him, fondle him a bit maybe, or even nuzzle his neck. But that's as far as I would go, until he gave the impression that he wanted more. Even then I was looking for direction. Now that I think about it, I remember asking him in one sexual encounter to 'tell' me what to do and how to do it. He had no idea what I meant, and wanted no part of it.

Anal sex, the ultimate taboo in non kinky households (otherwise known as vanilla). I adore anal sex, he would lose his hard on. There's something about being taken in the back door that just shows dominance in it's finest. I can remember a girlfriend from h.s. who didn't even like doggy style because she felt inferior, gosh, there was nothing I loved more than being pounded from behind.

The signs were there all along, I just never knew what they were.

I've always been sexual, and always fell for the guy that gave a good fuck. It just naturally makes me subservient to him. The power of the cock I guess.

I can remember reading sexual excerpts from fiction mom was reading, anything that made the woman helpless, wanton, or nudged let's say into doing what she ultimately wanted to do but was too prim and proper to let herself go. I wanted to be that character in the book.

I grabbed porn wherever I could find it. When I baby sat somewhere, I was the snooper. If you had porn not locked up I'd find it. Not only would I find it, but I'd read and look at every single page and article. My uncle had some really good shit, way more than your Hustler and Playboy. He had the kinky stuff. He had the mags where the woman was tied up, or taken by surprise in a semi public setting. God, I loved that stuff. Couldn't wait to vacation up at their house for a week every summer. He had some good fiction too.

That was my introduction to sex. Nothing more than that. I was never molested, never abused, never mistreated as a child or teenager. I grew up in a loving household with two parents that to this day adore and who are still married.

I lost my virginity at 16, because I didn't want it anymore. In the front seat of a car, I decided it was time and poof it was done. Looking back I wish it meant something. It would be nice to tell my girls that it was worth the wait, but I can't. Instead, I can tell them that I wish I waited. Maybe that will do some good.

Did looking at all that porn as a kid shape my outlook on sex? No, I don't think so. I was hardly repulsed by anything I saw, even just straight soft porn. I find all sex beautiful in some way, shape, or form. I also think what people do to find gratification in a loving relationship is between them. As long as it's consensual.

So what's this blog going to be about? Well, now that I've laid the framework, and you realize I'm not some traumatized girl waiting to be rescued. In fact, just the opposite. I'm educated, employed with a renouned company. Have a great family and great kids, great friends, a great home, and I've achieved this all on my own. No help from the ex or anything.

Back to the purpose of the blog... I'm going to share the good, bad, ugly and the intense and the mundane of this journey into submission. It's not all rose petals and violins. Especially coming into this mid life, and after being on my own for more than a handful of years.

So sit back and enjoy the ride. I hope it will be a good one.