Sunday, March 8, 2009


Everyone has one, or many. How many times have you read about the drawbacks to living out a fantasy? How it doesn't live up to expectations? I'm sure you have, and maybe even had that experience yourself. A once in a lifetime experience that wasn't quite what you imagined.

That happened to me once, or rather twice. The first experience lived up to expectations, the second, not so much. When I was in my 20's, I had a boyfriend who was quite a few years older than me (I look back now and realize how the 'older' man meant experience and control, but didn't know what it meant then). I was 25 he was pushing 40. He of course had what I think is every hot blooded male fantasy- two women and one man. I had a friend who was as sexually adventurous as I was, and about a year into this relationship, I approached her with surprising him. She was all for it, and together we plotted (I love plotting, erm, planning). This was back in the VCR days, no such thing as a DVD, and I had plenty of porn. She and I picked one out that had a good f-f-m scene and fast forwarded to right before that scene. Now the plan was to surprise him. He was pretty punctual in his arrival to the house each night, so that part was easy. She and I had a drink before he arrived to loosen us up. For as close as we were, and as open we were about our sexual exploits, we never dove into the bi arena, so this would be a first for us. It was a bit nerve wracking. I'd never been with a woman before, and while the thought intrigued me, it also scared me a bit. Not that I'd become bi, to this day I'd still label myself as bi-curious, but I wondered if when it came down to the actual act, would I do ok? Then there was also the fear- would she be better than me?

Looking back, the scene played out like a porno. We heard him pull in, took a deep breath and a few more slugs of gin, and hit play. When he came in the living room and saw us sitting on the couch, nothing was out of the ordinary, however when he turned to look at the television and saw what we were watching, his eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.

We invited him to sit between us, we didn't have to ask twice. I'm sure at that point he figured out what was going on, or hoped he did anyway. I remember some crotch rubbing by us, and each of his hands reciprocating. I don't know how far we got into the porno, but remember clothing shed, and moving into the bedroom where the real festivities began.

I remember sharing his cock with our mouths, him eating each of us, each of us eating each other, fondling her ample breasts, nibbling on her, god it was delicious. The one rule was- I got his cum. He filled me with it, not her. That was important to me, see even then I realized what a gift it was.

There was basking in the afterglow, a lot of wows, and deep sleep. It was the perfect fantasy come true.

However, when we attempted it a second time, I was not emotionally prepared for it. I was insecure and couldn't stand the thought of him touching her... so in that case it was a fantasy not so good come true.

I've done a lot of thinking about those two scenarios and realize NOW, that it was my insecurities that prohibited us from exploring further. The first time was fine, but the second time, I couldn't get it out of my head that there was something she had that I didn't. More than her huge tits, mine are far from huge, barely a handful for smaller hands even.

So I look at myself now, in the best relationship that I've had in my life, and ever will have, and think. It's a fantasy The Man has, he's done the m-m-f thing (my fantasy), but not the f-f-m. Could I bear to have his hands, mouth, and cock on and in someone else? I'd love to give him that fantasy, and I think it wouldn't be a problem. Now on a regular basis? No, to this day, I don't think my psyche can handle it. I don't share well, and he knows it. A harem or poly will never be for us, even if I AM the alpha or number 1 slut in the situation.

So that brings me to this train of thought, because I have fantasies, plenty of them. Because I love to write, I will occasionally jot one down in our journal. Granted it ends up being a scripted blow by blow (literally) six page single spaced story, but a fantasy none the less.

I can't help but wonder though, with my vivid imagination, and the ability to craft it into words on a page- am I doing both of us a disservice? I mean unless he does things word for word will it ever live up to what I have dreamed in my head? That's nearly impossible, and doesn't leave much for spontaneity.

I think that plotting, damn I mean planning, really to a certain extent can help- just like that threesome in my 20's, but too much and there's always something that's left flat. I think that's where expectation doesn't meet reality. You can envision a dinner party where the main course is a whore for use, and then you can envision exactly what happens. If something doesn't go along with the scripted part of your brain, then it's difficult to keep yourself out of the mind set that this isn't what you planned. Which I think can happen from either side of the fence.

A Dominant can plan a scene in his/her head according to specifics, or they can formulate a plan with a semblence of what could happen. I think that if you get too specific in the planning, then an adverse response (and I mean adverse in not expected) can foil the mental plan. It could be something as simple as seeing if the sub can handle oh let's say 20 strokes of a cane, and she can only handle 15- then there's a sense of disappointment in the mind of the stroker. However, if the Dominant approaches it with a 'not stop until she safewords' attitude, then the number of strokes doesn't matter. He or she has pushed the sub to safeword and the fantasy ends in a positive result.

So I think that I'm going to stop being so specific when I tease The Man with a fantasy. Not that I'm left hanging or disappointed in any of our encounters, scenes, or sex, but the mind can't help sometimes saying, "that wasn't quite what I imagined" no matter how sated one gets.

It's a good way of setting someone up for a fall. A person cannot live up to the imagined precise expectations of another, no matter how much communication is done between the two. I cannot do that for him, and he cannot do that for me.

Sometimes being simple and vague is better than being complicated and precise.

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