Friday, April 3, 2009

Fantasy

What happens when you have a fantasy and your lover doesn't?

Does that mean you will live your entire life wondering what if?

Does it mean that eventually you will look elsewhere to fulfill your innermost desires?


The question here is how to entice your lover/partner into exploring the unknown. This can be extremely difficult for a wide variety of reasons. Some of which include, but are not limited to:

1. Lover/partner is conservative in sexual activities
2. Lover/partner is happy with current lovemaking
3. Lover/partner would take offense to suggestions
4. Lover/partner would look at you poorly for suggesting such behavior.
5. You simply don't know how to approach the subject.


So, what are some steps you can take to head in the right direction? The best thing is to talk to your lover/partner about adding some variation to your sex life. Try asking your partner if he/she has a fantasy... even one from a long time ago. Ask your partner if there's anything that you can do as a lover to make things better. Offer to share a fantasy of yours... start with something mild. For example, if you want to experience a three some, but you know your partner isn't up for it, especially if it's asking for the same gender as your partner, try suggesting the use of an anal plug or sex toy to give yourself/your partner that extra stuffed feeling. I mean extra sensation. I got ahead of myself there for a moment.

Speaking of sex toys, there are many people men and women alike who don't enhance their sex lives with occasional use. Women seem to be ashamed to acknowledge they own them, and some men feel that a fake apparatus will somehow diminish their masculinity or even replace them. Think of a sex toy as an optional appendage, something that's nice to have, but not mandatory for satisfaction.

Let's take oral sex for an example. If a man is performing cunnilingus on a woman (using his mouth on her genitals), he may sometimes use a finger or two to insert in a woman's vagina while his tongue is busy elsewhere. A dildo, or vibrator can simulate the same action, but often with a much more dramatic result. Plus there's the added benefit that if it takes a woman a long time to reach orgasm, a vibrator on her clitoris won't tire. So again, a varied approach with the same result.

Why is it so difficult to share our innermost secrets and desires with the one who is often closest to us? Is it because we don't want to open ourselves up to reproach? Do we fear rejection from the person who claims to love us unconditionally?

Back to the question of how to introduce something new. In the case of sex toys, there's two different ways to approach this. One, you can buy something plain, small, and seduce your lover with a surprise of something new. Two you can sit down and shop for them together online.

Either way, communication is key. If you'd like to experience being restrained, or to restrain, start with something simple, like a blind fold and work your way up. If your lover is really timid about trying new things, make a seductive show of it. Blindfold, sensual massage, lots of touching, caressing, soothing words. Let your partner trust what you are doing. Allow your partner to be enveloped by the sensations.

The mind is the biggest sex organ in the body. If you can't capture the mind, you will never fully capture the body, heart and soul.

A view from the patio

It's another beautiful night, and I'm sitting here appreciating it for once. I've been in the self pity mode for the last few weeks. Work is hectic and a drag, home is a zoo, and the D/s in my relationship seems to have flown out the window with TM's new hobby.

I could sit here and remind myself that I am as much to blame, but I'm in a self righteous mode. I do enough without having to remind him that he's supposed to be the dominant in this relationship. I've done it numerous times, reminding him about his job description. It lasts for awhile and then falls by the wayside. It's all well and good, but then don't sit there and tell me the beast needs to come out and a beating is long overdue.

That to me is just wrong. You want that, go find a play partner to satisfy that urge. If you don't think that the d/s in our relationship is important to nurture, ok fine, but don't expect me to be subservient when you deem it necessary to impart a scene.

Sometimes when I get this way I find that it's cyclical with my menses, but it's not PMS this time around.

The question is, is the relationship itself strong enough to go through these challenges. Yes, I believe it it, but there comes a point where when you look in the mirror, reality hits you in the face.