Thursday, November 29, 2012

A month... well almost

Well the day we were gearing up for arrived.  I think I'm still a little numb from the realization.  Unfortunately the timing was not as stellar as we'd hoped it would be. In some ways, though that's a good thing.  No false sense of smooth sailing before the shit hits the fan.  Like it always does with teens and preteens.

And the kids are living up to expectations... the pain in the ass expectation that is.  There was quite a change to the household before Jefe got here and the dust was settling from that episode and poof my support was suddenly here as well.

I wasn't floundering by myself.

Yesterday I read this thing on the web about this father who sent his kids a letter of disappointment.  I feel for him, I really do.  I've bent over backward to maintain a stable home, a solid environment, make sure they have what they need, plus a bit more- quite a bit more actually.  All on my own.  I've had no help from any area, and I think I've done quite well.

I also realized not too long ago, how tired I am.  It's been eight years of pulling the entire weight of the household on my own.  Shouldering everything, making excuses, turning a blind eye, placating, being placated.  All that has changed.  I'm seeing my children as over indulged spoiled things.  They are not brats in some sense of the word, but their behavior is definitely something that needs to be changed.

So I've taken a new attitude, and it just happens to coincide with Jefe being here, so he is right there to bolster my resolve.  Privileges are being stripped, electronics are going bye bye, social lives will be a thing of the past.  "I" will be listened to and listened to properly.  No more wearing mom down... I'm not doing this on my own anymore.  I am stronger than I ever have been, and I've been strong.

It has been an eye opening experience to see my underlings for what they are and have been doing.  Time to go back to the olden days where you want something not only will you have to earn the privilege, but maintain the right to the privilege.

I will not have happy children in this house tonight.  I am not happy about this.  I am not smug.  I am heartbroken actually.  There's a part of me that loved spoiling them.  Making sure they were in the right fashion, had the good phones, the right video games.  It's just "me" doing all of this, and I viewed it as my own version of keeping up with the Jones'.  I was not going to be the "single mom".

I thought the children were thankful for what they had.  No, I've just come to learn that they feel entitled.  Just like every other kid out there in today's society.

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