Moving forward

It's easy to fall back into routines. That's what I almost found myself doing this week. Turning to an old flame turned friend, looking for the comfort and lust that had been lacking from my life for too long.

There are reasons why that friendship will always remain that, but it still felt nice to hear him lusting after me, expressing his want and desire.

Turns out it was a good thing. He brought out that inner need that can get get stifled and thrown to the back of the closet. While it's always so much nicer to have someone else sate the sexual needs, I'm not going to go back to being an asexual being. I did that for quite a long time. Oddly enough, it was the same man who brought me back to life three years ago. Wow, just realized that.

I've taken control of my sexuality again, started surfing porn, and broke out the toys.

Anyway, I knew I loved my waterproof rabbit for a reason, my morning and once again evening showers have been quite satisfactory of late. I wonder if they make a little version with just the rabbit ear part that somehow straps to a finger or two or even hand. I don't always find there's a need to use the phallus part of the toy, and it can become cumbersome to use.

I was also indulgent, I took the suction cup dildo and lubed it up and let it sink deep in my arse. Now that was a slice of heaven, add those rabbit ears to my clit and voila!!! Instant smile for the remainder of the day.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking about this whole d/s thing. Maybe it's just not for me. A little kink in the bedroom, ok, ok, a LOT of kink in the bedroom, ok, ok whips and restraints too. ok, ok, humiliation and some discipline.

I have gone back to alt and made adjustments to my original profile, deleted the joint one we had together, and doing more reading. Something will fit, not rushing it, but I did think it was important not to run from it either. I know the yearnings and urges will crop up, so why deny the need now? I can use this time to find out more about why the relationship with TM didn't work on my end. It always takes two, he wasn't the bad guy here 100% of the time.

It's all a matter of finding the right person to explore it with, I guess. Time will tell