Realizations

I can't be reliant on someone... no.... not me.  I can do this...
all.
on.
my.
own.

Yeah, in theory anyway.  History proves this as well.

However...

There's a big difference after you go 24/7 in an M/s relationship. I didn't think there would be, never even gave it a second thought.

Now before you start rolling your eyes and calling me an idjet. I knew there would be changes.  There always is when you start cohabitating with someone.

I'm not talking about those changes.

I'm talking about the subtle slide that accompanies an M/s relationship.  The dependency that's created.  I wasn't expecting it to happen so fast or so strong. That alone tells me, from experience, this power exchange is on the right track.

The Master is away for two more weeks.  Yesterday I had myself a great big pity party (complete with noisemakers and confetti). I don't know that I'm completely over it today, but it's better- the clean-up is a bitch though.  I keep chastising myself at my inability to cope with this, which on some level is helping me from caving into myself. I rationalize from sun rise to sun set.  It's keeping me sane anyway.

At least I think it is.  I know I need to change the mindset. Easier said than done.

Going through the motions.
Day by day.
I'll make it through.
Until the next time.
Rinse.
Repeat.
Spin dry.