Rough Week

I'm feeling lost this week. Communication is like pulling teeth, and I don't know specifically why.  I know things still aren't the way he wants them to be, on many levels.  The time we spend together is never enough, but it's all I have so I cling to it.

I know it wouldn't be this way if we were 24/7, but there's nothing I can do about it now, and for the foreseeable future- - he knows it too.

So why do I feel like I should be doing something about it?

Why do I feel guilty because I'm still this far away?

Why do I feel like if I simply stopped- he would be fine with it/?

I'm being irrational, and I know this.  Yet I find I can't shake this uneasiness.

I don't doubt him, maybe I am on the surface, but if he wanted to end it, he would do so.  He doesn't hem and haw or beat around the bush.

I don't think there's someone else.  He's been on the receiving end of that, and it's just not in his nature.

Or is that what I want to believe?

I'm full of doubt, fear, uncertainty.  I'm not sure how to approach it either.